No use handing me a writ -- While I’m trying to do my bit

Following on from KT's comment about "There is enough guilt attached to motherhood already!", I wanted to mention a valuable chat I had recently. I met up with a friend a few weeks' ago now and we caught up on how things were going - since meeting up regularly since having our babies a few weeks apart, it has been harder to meet up since we returned to work. Last time we met was Halloween 2010!

Baby Boom - I love this film

We talked about the differences, but also similarities in how we are doing. She's a high flying accounts executive person, working really hard to squeeze in her work to a four day week, keeping up with what's expected of her position and salary. Yes, she can afford to have a cleaner, someone to do the ironing, has company BMW and the lifestyle choices that come with it.

Factors affecting feeding decisions

Breastfeeding by Picasso

Following on from my earlier blog, where recent articles highlighted the problems of low levels of breastfeeding in developed and developing nations, in addition to the main problem - parents being affected by myths and misinformation about breastfeeding - a further seven influencers will now be discussed.

My breastfeeding story

I am one of three sisters 

We were all breastfed and a big thing wasn't made of it, it was just the natural thing to do. So I always imagined that I would do the same for my children.


This is a photo of me and Abigail, moments after birth and she was placed on my tummy. In antenatal classes, I learnt about the instinct for newborn babies to move up your tummy, heads bobbing, moving in the direction of one or the other boob to feed (I now think that the change in areola size in pregnancy helps provide a visual target for their limited vision, that only can recognise high contrast images). Soon after being born, Abigail quickly fed (I didn't know what I was doing but she instinctively did, I just let her move and feed). This was extremely reassurring - I should just trust in the reflexes of the newborn, developed through years of evolution, and she'll know how to feed and get what she needs from me.

My take on breastfeeding

I have avoided talking about my opinions about breastfeeding this far, firstly, because of not wanting to offend or upset anybody who hasn't breastfed, particularly friends and members of my family, who I know think and feel very deeply about their choices and their children. The other is a cowardly reason: because I don't want to receive the backlash I've seen elsewhere towards those who support breastfeeding, being described as "middle class do-gooders" and the like.


Well, I suppose I've opened the floodgates now because I am going to talk.


In a series of blogs, I'm going to try to talk about my experiences and views on breastfeeding. Firstly, I'm going to describe how I got to this blog subject, and later my ideas for why breastfeeding is not the norm for every mother and baby.


Two recent articles that have prompted my decision to write about this are:

1. Daily Mail: Breastfeeding boom: Middle-class mothers lead the charge with 90% rejecting formula milk, by Sophie Borland.
2. New York Times: The Breast Milk Cure, by Nicholas D Kristof.

Major bummer

I totally love reusable nappies.


Unfortunately, our bumgenius 3.0 ones (the most recent design when we bought them in 2009) didn't fit around my daughter's dimensions so well by about 18 months (think it was the thighs and tummy that did it). She was getting rubbed on her legs because they were too tight, and would leak out of the top when she laid down to sleep, as doing them around the sticky-out tummy would leave a chance for them to slip down, under her tum, and be too loose to hold the wet stuff in. It meant that by about 3am, we'd be woken up by Abigail crying and soaked in wee. We'd have to do a full change and she'd wake up wet again too.

The power of touch

Today has been a pretty hectic day, as ever it is when we visit friends or they visit us. I spent alot of the day trying to watch over Abbie, who didn't want to share her toys with anyone, and was vigilantly retrieving any toys back off those who were in possession of any! She also had lot of fun, running around in the garden and then in the house with her playmates. As the day progressed, Abbie got more tired she lashed out more and lost the plot really, not knowing what she wanted. She normally naps for at least an hour after lunch but definitely didn't want to when she knew there were three little girls playing downstairs.


Everybody left around 3pm, when all of the toddlers were played out. Abbie could barely focus. Luckily, after some cuddles in front of a little quiet children's TV, she fell asleep and stayed that way for an hour. She woke up a bit confused and teary, managed to eat her dinner but was still a bit 'wappy'. Bath time lasted all of 1 minute, where she was upset and wobbly again. I managed to calm her down with more cuddles and quiet songs (trying to remember songs like Eidelweiss, Daisy, Ride-a-cock-horse etc). Unfortunately, neither choice of getting nappy and pyjamas on or her hair dried was answered with a positive yes (more like a protesting no). I ended up sitting on the bed with her and she laid there quite quietly after I put her down. She was so relaxed that I thought I'd try to remember some of the baby massage classes that I had taken ages ago, when she was about 6 months old.

Saying No in the Yes Cycle

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I took part in the second session of VIG (Video Interaction Guidance) so that my friend and old colleague to train as a practitioner in the intervention. My goal was to improve on saying "No" to Abbie in a consistent manner, to keep her boundaries where they need maintaining.

Since my friend bought me the Sears' Baby Book on Attachment Parenting, this style has resonated with me, but one thing I still find difficult is how to control and say No without damaging the secure base I'm trying to establish and grow between us. Being somebody who sets limits has made me feel uncomfortable as I didn't/don't want to cause distress, but more than this, I didn't want to be inconsistent in my boundary-setting, sometimes being strong about saying No about something, another time letting it go.


So this was my goal for the VIG therapy session.