Moved to wordpress

This blog is no more. I've decided to go for a different, non-google host site:

http://stillonmyfeet.wordpress.com/

Hope you like it.

Thanks,
Anna

My take on AP

I was recently made aware of a letter in the Huffington Post slating attachment parenting, dubbed 'detachment parenting' (well, LOL). While it frustrated me that such an article had been written, it also worried me too, that it had been presented all the wrong way and the damage that could be done by it. Luckily, the author of the Nurshable blog had written a reply that clarified things and straightened out the wackiness portrayed. It inspired me to write out my understanding of what it is that I'm doing and what it is that I see Attachment Parenting to be. See what you think. It's nothing to do with superglueing yourself, or your partner, to your child either - it is about being there for them, in mind and in body.

Read these blogs first perhaps:

Nicola Kraus - My Message to Dr Sears
Nurshable - My Message to Nicola Kraus

Changing bag lady

Until Thomas was born, we used a rucksack for a changing bag. We had a foldup mat, with pockets for wipes and liners, nappies and a wet bag; putting wallet, phone etc., in whatever pockets available. But the second time around, I liked the idea of a nice changing bag treat. I was also not keen to spend the extortionate prices on changing bags (I found one for £269, although most do start at £20, so mustn't exaggerate), or for it to only have a short life as a changing bag - I wanted it to have more than one practical use.

I know it sounds funny with the devotion I have to the topics of Mumhood, but I didn't particularly want to hoik a changing bag (they are rather obvious and clunky, and very plasticky) around as it defined my identity somewhat more than I'd like, having just a bag with nappies and their necessary accessories with them, along with whatever else I need for the day feels different.

Talk talk

How do you feel about the heirarchy of communication that exists these days, from a nice chat with a cuppa, to somebody you haven't seen for 10 years liking your Facebook status? Are we watering down our communication skills or broadening them? How are these styles of interaction affecting who we are, and what relationships we have, how we are with our children and the role models we are for them? I have a feeling that everything I'm about to write isn't new, but what alot of us are thinking these days...

The realisation that there is a conflict between our need to socialise and interact, and the interference, as well as contribution made, by digital technology (the internet, smartphones, social networking, computer games etc.,) is happening. Just last week, Radio 4 were at The Aspen Festival of Ideas, Colorado, USA, discussing the subject; and Will Self and Zadie Smith talked about writing and being distracted by the internet (I couldn't find the link, but press article here); Women's Hour discussed the problems of young girls feeling obligated to post suggestive photos of themselves on Facebook and other networks being raised by Esther Ransen based on calls they make to ChildLine. There's also been a pretty funny comedy taken from the Edinburgh festival, "Pearl and Dave", depicting the change from relationships beginning with a chat in person, asking out to cinema etc., and these days initiated through Facebook messaging, before meeting in person (which all became too much and online interaction returned).  Beyond the radiowaves, my husband had to initiate the banning of smartphones in the workplace a while ago, due to the distraction to those employees who own them and their office colleagues, and its impact on productivity (quality and quantity). My focus on young families is just one of many discussions going on with regards to how to get the balance right with regards to how we use (and don't use) technology.

Note: Yes I have been listening to alot of Radio 4. I made the most of the opportunity to whilst Abigail was on hols with her grandparents a few weeks ago!

He's eating already

I waited until Abbie was 6 months old, in line with the NHS/WHO guidelines and there were no complaints from either of us. However, despite planning on doing the same, Thomas has other ideas about wanting to get started on solid food. A few days ago I relented, letting him try on a piece of cucumber, which went down well. Once that was done, some orange segments. The next day the interest was the same at our mealtimes (you eat, then I want to too, e.g., lunging forwards with his body/ swiping grabs with his hands/ general complaining noises). I'm sticking with fruit and vegetables until we hit 6 months. Thomas is somewhere over 17lbs and 5 months old. He's been eating/gnawing/sucking on the following so far: cucumber, orange, tomato, celery, green pepper, banana, pear, nectarine (nothing especially planned, just the food we were having with our main meals/pudding). All either whole or (his) fist sizes.

Waisting away

Moving on from my ongoing conversations with myself regarding parenting philosophies, facts and self efficacy, something a little more practical has cropped up lately: clothing. Well, how to not end up looking like a sack of potatoes. Marilyn Monroe can wear a sack o spuds, but not me.

Whine/Wean

I can only feel ashamed of the information disaster area that is our media when it comes to the google search I just did on weaning guidelines (in this case, introducing solids). It falls in with previous frustrations at the looseness of "facts" out there (Science and Myths blog from last year). I know what I plan to do, and it's not listening to bloody (sorry for swearing) Annabel-loadsa-money-Karmel!

FashionAble

I heard the other day that babywearing was fashionable. That's nice to hear. 

My thai vegetable curry

Thomas is asleep, Abbie in nursery so I may as well get this one down too. Yet again, it includes chillies. This is an adapted recipe: I used to buy the paste, then make the paste following a recipe, then I designed my own, simpler version so I didn't have to read and cook (which keeps things cleaner in the kitchen, my poor recipe books are a bit messy!) I used to add king prawns (raw better than cooked I found), but after watching Simon Reeve's Indian Ocean programme I abandoned buying the poor creatures (and the industry) altogether, and don't miss them because the veggie option tastes great by itself - although you can meat things up with left over chicken, beef or lamb from sunday roast if you like. Again, the ingredients and measurements are in no way fixed, just follow what you can - you don't need to add everything.

Chilli con carne and Mexican tsatsiki

All the talk about food shopping last week, so I thought I'd include some of my recipes. Here's a recipe for something you probably all know, with an invention I created on top, "mexican tsatsiki". I always tend to make it spicy so yoghurt good to cool it down again, the fennel seeds really clean it up - good for Abbie and hubbie. Don't necessarily stick to the measurements or ingredients precisely - whatever your taste buds and grocery cupboards/ fridge allows (that's what I do anyway). The extra vegetables makes it lighter than meat heavy varieties and helps the food go further.

Munny

This is quick. A while ago I talked about saving money. Things have moved on. Supermarkets are BLOOMING expensive and so is petrol. What do I do?

Carry it forward

I had a hugely satisfying moment last week. I visited my old prenatal yoga group and spoke to eight or so pregnant ladies about my home birth. My intention was to tell the story, and as much as possible, not give them the impression that it was something only for medical outliers or masochists. It was also to promote a normal birth in any location (home, birthing centre, maternity ward, without intervention). I think I pulled it off. My instructor even told me that I was a natural public speaker - ha! Me of all people.

Technology free Tuesdays

I've recently read this blog about a Mom deciding to stop the media stuff every Monday. To slow things down and focus that attention instead of the usual spreading. It makes sense, so I don't need to repeat her reasons.

We're going to try it too (but on Tuesdays because Abbie's at nursery on Mondays so not much use!). It fits in with the peace I've found from attending a couple of toddler sessions at the local Steiner group. Wireless entertainment, back to earth, away from noise and light pollution these tronics pump out even when on standby. Looking forward to it. Dropping the Sky subscription was satisfying enough!

Luddites for a day.

"Don't worry Mummy"

For the last few weeks I've had a few ups and downs, mostly revolving around behaviour: mine, my daughter's, other people. Reflecting back over now, the comment my daughter made to me today says it all (see title). It happened after I was trying to explain (yes, to an almost 3 year old - what was I thinking?), that I was upset that we couldn't get her haircut because she didn't want to when we got there (after a struggle to get there in the first place). From now on, I'm going to try and not worry as much. I said try.

Mini me

I think this photo says it all really, but this is an update to a blog I wrote a while ago, describing that "they do what you do" and to take this and apply it wherever.

Chances to bond

When you have a baby, having them close, being there as soon as they need you is something you want to do automatically. So how does this work when you are responsible for two children (a lively toddler and a little baby)? I've been figuring this out over the past ten weeks. 

More baby gear

I missed some off the last list of goodies for babies / you. Here are a few more.

My bumgenius nappies don't smell of wee anymore

This is a quick blog to say that my 'recipe' has changed a little for washing the Bumgenius one size v3.0 nappies now they're back again for a second run. 

7 weeks living as a family of four

I'm finally writing down my experiences in this happy time enjoying the early days of my blooming family. It's taken me a few weeks to sit down and write (I'm writing as Thomas sleeps on me in his sling - this hot weather has been a little unsettling for him, my daughter is at nursery today after a bout of chicken pox and potty training in sequence - we've been busy!). The washing machine's on, washing up is piling but not critical, I'm listening to some relaxing music and spilling out onto the keyboard at last.

Speaking of breastmilk

These are notes for me as a breastfeeding mother. This is not a challenge to those who don't breastfeed, I'm just sharing some of the reassurrance that I got from reading it - I found it interesting, you might too.

After finding out that the chances of Thomas catching chicken pox off Abbie were lower as a result of me breastfeeding him, I was pretty chuffed (see chicken pox blog). It isn't to say he won't contract it. Just made me jump a little inside out of celebration for the amazingness of breastmilk! I did also wonder about what the other benefits were to the immune system - if it could do this, what else could it do? 

I checked out the Cochrane review database, where tightly controlled reviews are made of all scientific research over a period of time to find out the answer to a particular question. If you ever get frustrated that one article comes out saying one thing, later another says to do completely the opposite, these reviews take all the studies together, say over a 20 year period, and deliver the most up to date answers. I found this review by Renfrew et al., (2012), where the background more than covers the benefits of breastfeeding:

"Breastfeeding has a fundamental impact on the short-, medium- and long-term health of children and has an important impact on women’s health. Good quality evidence demonstrates that in both low- and high-income settings not breastfeeding contributes to infant mortality, hospitalisation for preventable disease such as gastroenteritis and respiratory disease, increased rates of childhood diabetes and obesity...Few health behaviours have such a broad-spectrum and long-lasting impact on population health, with the potential to improve life chances, health and wellbeing...The established negative impact on a population of not breastfeeding has resulted in global and national support for encouraging the initiation and continuation of breastfeeding. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that, wherever possible, infants should be fed exclusively on breast milk until six months of age (WHO 2003), with breastfeeding continuing as an important part of the infant’s diet till at least two years of age." (Note: For an idea of what this means in terms of how much feeding occurs as babies grow, see bottom of this blog)

Interestingly, it also highlights the issues of incorrect guidance from health professionals, something that has been advised to stop since 1991 and it is still happening!:

"In few settings is standard care offered by professionals with an in-depth understanding of the prevention and treatment of breastfeeding problems. To address this, UNICEF and the WHO established the global Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (Baby Friendly Initiative in some countries) in 1991 to train health professionals and remove inappropriate routines such as supplementary feeding and restrictions on feeding times. Over 15,000 facilities in 134 countries have been accredited (UNICEF 2011), but most babies are still not born in a Baby Friendly environment"

I took in the advice of midwives, health visitors etc when my daughter was born, and some of it did conflict. It's taken time for me to learn to take their advice with a pinch of salt, to trust my own instincts on what's right, as well as to seek accurate advice from other sources. Although I am doing this now, I think that it is a concern that we cannot rely on advice from such people, at times when we could be quite vulnerable and need good advice. Being able to make informed decisions (based on the truth) about how and whether or not we breastfeed is so important, to us and most likely to the NHS itself! This is particularly the case where incorrect guidance on positioning/attachment or how to feed on demand may lead someone to incorrectly believe that they/their baby are physically unable to breastfeed when they had instead been let down by inappropriate guidance, and perhaps be put off from trying again in the future. This surely goes beyond feeding decisions too. Give us the facts and appropriate support!

Just to be clear, I am not a signed up breastfeeding mafia member (if that exists...I suspect not! What is it anyway?). I believe in what I'm doing, but understand that it may not be physically or practically possible, or a priority for everybody (the problems some have in establishing breastfeeding in particular is something I realise more now than I did in the past). Who knows, I may not manage it or want to next time around. Lives change. 

Although I support breastfeeding and it's benefits, I realise that it is an element of allsorts of positive contributions we can make to our children's lives. I'm sure I've got deficits in other areas (my husband says I should get out more when I talk to him about how seriously I take these subjects at times and I probably should!). 

However, I would like to find a way to bring up breastfeeding without it being assumed that I am challenging anyone who hasn't breastfed their baby - the two seem linked when I wish they weren't. I do not believe that there is any debate to be had if we stick to the facts so do not have much interest in it anyway. But just bringing up the subject seems to invite the debate all over again...sigh. Despite my convictions, I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and it is very difficult in general when talking about such a volatile subject as parenting.  Balancing my writing sensitively is something I aim for, and always try to improve on.

In sum, the chicken pox enlightenment moment was something that I simply found pretty cool and I just wanted to share it. That's all. I hope that I can keep sharing the things that I find, just to get them out there. (For my nerves' sake I think I'll avoid mentioning it for a while, as this has been quite a challenging process).

STOP PRESS: We're at the end of the incubation period and Thomas did not contract chicken pox. 


Conclusions about best way to support breastfeeding - from the review:

" All women should be offered support to breastfeed their babies to increase the duration and exclusivity of breastfeeding. Healthcare settings should provide such trained support as standard. Support is likely to be more effective in settings with high initiation rates, so efforts to increase the uptake of breastfeeding should be in place. Support may be offered either by professional or lay/peer supporters, or a combination of both. Strategies that rely mainly on face-to-face support are more likely to succeed. Support that is only offered when women seek help is unlikely to be effective; women should be offered ongoing visits on a scheduled basis so they can predict that support will be available. Support should be tailored to the setting and the needs of the population group."

*Frequency of feeds reduce over time!


Just in case anyone is wondering how often you feed your baby, and how this frequency changes beyond newborn time, here's what happened with me: 

• As a newborn, Abbie fed sometimes every 20 mins, sometimes either side of some bigger naps/playful waking times (1/2/3 hours - even longer at night, Thomas is currently every 4/5 hours at 7 wks). This depends on things like growth spurts - where feeding becomes more frequent over a 36 hour period - and weather: breastmilk quenches thirst as well as sorting out hunger (fore/hind milk) so in hot weather, babies drink more. As their tummies get bigger they can cope with bigger feeds over longer stretches. Feeding on demand, they'll organise their feeding so sufficient, so it isn't a worry. 
• By 6 months we started Abbie on solids, although at this time it's about tasting and learning about how to eat the foods, while the milk provides their nutrition, she tended to need feeding about 4 or 5 times a day. 
• When I went back to work (9 months old), she had water at nursery, as I never cracked expressing, so had 3 feeds a day: at wake up, after nursery if hungry, and then before bed (around 7pm). 
• By 1 year old, when cow's milk ok as replacement (although breastfeeding not purely nutritional act so not a straight swap, and weaning does take time) I adopted the "don't offer, don't refuse strategy" and usually fed her twice a day unless requested more, until she weaned herself off (about 14 months old).

Chicken pox nuggets

I'm all for learning curves and have been wandering up a new one lately, Abbie has two spots the Sunday before last at bath time, which turned into 20 the day after and confirmed by the nurse practitioner the following Tuesday as a "classic case" of chicken pox. I've been finding out what I can from friends, health professionals and good old NHS direct health information service (understanding the exact risks - when my children are contagious, for example). I thought it was a matter of some itching and stopping her picking them over a week or so, but actually it was quite an unpleasant few days for her. Thought I'd layout what I've learnt here for future reference for any readers who've yet to be struck! 

Great new baby gear

We've had some lovely cards and gifts for Thomas, here are some of them - I love them and they're definitely flagged as gift ideas for future babies!

Rainbow muslins

Bright, breezy, fun. You could also get practical, e.g., use colourful muslins for use for nappy changes/accidents and white muslins for hands/face needs. Abbie also uses them to create rainbows on the floor at the moment!

Gro-egg room thermometer

I was so unsure about if room too hot or cold, quite pleased to have the instant, colour coded reassurance. It also doubles as a night light.

Powell craft farm yard cardigan

Such an adorable, hand knitted cardigan! Powell craft products are fab, Abbie loves her rag doll from the same Cornish family firm.

Green baby vests (wrap bodysuits)

These have been great - I hate pulling vests over a wobbly newborn head and these avoid it by buttoning up at the front instead with poppers. Definitely my preference when reaching for a vest at changing time!

This generation: Bradford, UK

I'm not very good at quickly referring interesting tv/radio and before you know it, the iplayer has stopped making it available.... one worth mentioning is an update on the Born in Bradford study that I heard on radio four last week, tracking babies from in the womb and beyond. Those children are now entering primary school. I found the study into bed sharing/co sleeping particularly interesting (as I am co sleeping and did with my first child too), although there were also sad discoveries about children's lives in more deprived parts of the city. I've tried to summarise below. There's plenty more besides too though, so worth the 30 minutes it takes to listen. 

Born in Bradford

Study outline, from BBC iplayer page (click here to listen):  

"Winifred Robinson tracks researchers on one of the world's largest child health studies, which has gathered statistics on 17,000 babies born in Bradford since 2007. Families have given blood samples, medical histories, details of their educational attainment, eating and parenting habits, family structures and incomes. As the first children to join the study start school, Winifred finds out how they have fared.

The research team is based at the Bradford Royal Infirmary and its work will provide solid evidence to help answer some of the great medical puzzles of our time: everything from why some people have heart disease and depression to what is driving the rises in incidence of diabetes, asthma and obesity. The findings on cot death are just about to be released, with results that will significantly modify the guidance to parents. Other studies soon to be released with assess how far a pregnant mother's diet affects her baby's health.

The city is ethnically diverse - more than half of the 6,000 babies born each year have a mother of Pakistani origin. Bradford also has the highest rate of genetic illness in Britain and this is due to genetic disorders passed on in cousin marriages. The research has demonstrated that two thirds of mothers of Pakistani origin in Bradford have husbands who are their first or second cousins - which significantly increases the risk of autosomal recessive conditions.

According to the Head of the study, Professor John Wright - an epidemiologist based at Bradford Royal Infirmary - the aim is to find out more about the causes of childhood illness in children from all cultures and classes as their lives unfold: "It's like a medical detective story really - trying to piece together the clues in people's lifestyles, their environments and their genetic make-up, as we try to determine whether someone falls sick or someone doesn't."."

I recommend finding time to yourself, cup of tea and a good listen. I've summarised some findings, and my interpretations of them, below too.

Study into bed sharing and cot death

One investigation sampled 2000 babies, half of asian origin, half of white origin. Four babies in the study died of cot death. The deaths were in the white families. Babies in asian families were less likely to die of cot death, even though they tended to bed share (or co-sleeping, see nice blog describing this approach). Current NHS guidelines say safest place for newborn is in your room, in a cot, advice is not to sleep with your baby - this is a strongly dealt message by health visitors too (I've received it enough already).

Bed sharing is a common practise in the Bradford Pakistani community. Pakistani mums in the study described that when you bed share, the Mum is by her baby all of the time, that there is no delay in getting to the baby or noticing they need anything, compared to if they were in a cot.  The paediatrician leading the study, Dr. Moya, finds this a positive, safe behaviour, and found no need to change it. The study also found that "educated white women who were breastfeeding" also tended to bed share with their babies, and that it has a protective effect (no details on what these were). The danger arises when parents who drink/smoke fall asleep with their baby on the sofa, perhaps even in response to health advice: they are perhaps so scared of bed sharing that they move outside of the bedroom and onto the sofa, leading to them taking more dangerous actions. The study's researcher's recommend that there is a new, more sophisticated discussion surrounding cosleeping, that not all cosleeping is the same. Also, they mention the unintended consequences of warning off against cosleeping, for instance, it may put mothers off breastfeeding.

The finished paper is available here: Ball et al. (2012) Infant care practices related to sudden infant death syndrome in South Asian and White British families in the UK. Paediatric and Perinatal Epidemiology, 26 (1), 3–12.

Last paragraph: "This study identifies maternal smoking, non-breast feeding, sofa-sharing and alcohol consumption as clear targets for SIDS risk reduction among White British families. The study also shows that South Asian families prioritise close proximity, breast feeding and maternal behaviours congruent with infant health and low SIDS risk as normal cultural practice. This study therefore calls into question the unproven value of applying SIDS risk reduction advice developed for White British families to those of other ethnicities. In groups where mothers breast feed, do not drink alcohol or smoke, sleep their infants supine and in close proximity to a parent at night, SIDS rates are so low we speculate that alterations in other infant care practices are poor targets for achieving further SIDS reduction."

Study into children in poor white families known to have an educational disadvantage

The headteacher at a nursery and primary school in an area she says is known for high social, economic and emotional disadvantage summarises the pupil intake: When children come into nursery, at age 3, they may have problems with little/no speech; when children come into primary school, teachers are toilet training children either because carers find easier to put nappy on child or for medical reasons. A lack of communication between children and parents (e.g., talking to them as they spend time together) is thought to be the major reason for speech delays: parents wearing headphones, using mobiles, not facing their children in buggies, children being left for long periods watching TV / playing computer games etc. Furthermore, many children suffer from general health problems that include asthma, autism, obesity, mental health problems (emotional instability: not resilient, able to cope with change). They are working to improve children's attainment in school based on theories that gross motor skills in physical education, translate to fine motor skills (e.g., tracing a shape on paper) that are linked to literacy. They are also providing speech therapy for children whose parents unable/ unwilling to take them to speech therapy elsewhere.

The description of children entering primary school from such a disadvantaged background sends all sorts of questions into the air. The major point for me is the emotional impact the children are being pounded with. The benefit system maybe providing support for these families financially, but it cannot replace the love and attention that these children need in order to truly prosper - that is what can help social mobility, not just job availability, but employability, the capacity to be educated. Why are the parents/ carers of these children not providing the one thing that is freely available? Why is this problem specific to this particular section of society - are there lessons to be learned from the other groups in the Bradford cohort that do not show this socio-economic-emotionally disadvantaged profile, e.g., as found by comparing communities in the bed sharing study above?

Bringing children up to know that they are loved and wanted, that there will always be somebody there to support them is what is needed so that the children can enter school more psychologically equipped for education and to make the most of the world that they are growing up into. Not taking time to talk to their children, to potty train them, and more besides, must leave those children feeling lonely and ignored, to say the least.

Advances in technology too have contributed to the impeded relationships between children and their parents, (and it isn't limited to one social group, e.g. recent book by MIT Professor, Sherry Turkle, "Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other." US President Obama also recommended parents switch off their phones when spending time with their children at a speech last September). [She preaches... in her online blog - there are great things about technology, but only if it doesn't remove our attention from those that deserve or require our attention more].  


The lower socio-economic groups are receiving the greatest impact of these negative parenting behaviours, when they need the reverse to happen. How can the culture change? What happens when the children brought up in such an emotionally-damaging environment go on to have their children? (Probably already happening now). It is perhaps not enough to look at the children once they are NEETs or long-term unemployed, and to blame them for not going out and getting a job - early intervention before they even enter primary school is needed, so that children don't get institutionalised into this unproductive, unmotivated, and unhappy way of life. I think this needs alot more discussion than what I have provided here, I hope that the Bradford Study, and those similar, will help to find interventions for these families.
 
Also:
For a programme summary, download one here.
For a list of publications from the research programme so far, click here.

Labour saving

A recent paper published in the British Medical Journal reported the cost effectiveness of home births, particularly for those expecting their second and subsequent children.  Links to the paper and a BBC news article included below, and a little splurge by me covering the costs (of many forms) associated with intervention vs. no intervention (i.e., a normal birth).

Oxford study source: Schroeder et al., (2012). Cost effectiveness of alternative planned places of birth in woman at low risk of complications: evidence from the Birthplace in England national prospective cohort study. BMJ 2012;344:e2292. For the abstract summary please see end of this blog*.

BBC news: Home births are more 'cost effective', says Oxford study

New labour

In my most recent blog, I unravelled over my expectation that I would be induced again, as I was with Abigail. I'd had an awful day (though I'd bet that my husband got it worse than me): I was crying one minute (blaming myself for labour not starting because I was getting too stressed), argumentative and touchy over little things the next (messy kitchen that wouldn't be fit if I did go into labour anyway etc.,). Abbie was all over the place too - crying and stubbornness from her as well. I'd call it the storm before the storm - just like pets seem to know when the weather is changing, we were both affected and B was firefighting the best he could. After a day like that I wanted to write it all down for catharsis. It helped too, and I also managed to consume a huge bag of doritos at the same time! About half an hour after publishing the induction prediction blog, my contractions started all by themselves. It goes without saying how much this meant and how lucky I felt. Here's what happened.

41 weeks + 3 days, and approaching agoraphobia

I'm sitting upright, eating chilli heatwave doritos and listening to the Rolling Stones "Beast of Burden" and winding down after a pretty mad day of 'yes, still pregnant; no, no signs of anything starting, yes, I am massive, aren't I?' (so mad in fact that I didn't venture outside because I just didn't want to have those well meaning conversations. Just can't not look pregnant now, so can't avoid talking about it (as much as I usually love the chats, just lost the confidence today)). Although I've been pretty fired up to be clear on who I am and where we're going with this second pregnancy after the induced delivery last time, the flame of self-assurance has been dying down with the days passing and induction date at hospital looming.

40 weeks + 6 days, and a few million thoughts

This blog is an opportunity to round up the many, and I imagine typical, thoughts going around about my imminent birth. Including birth plans, particularly my intentions to have my little girl stay at home  (see Being Around), and the valued reading I've been doing, namely, of pregnancy and birth affirmations that have helped me clear up my plans for these post due date weeks, and of yoga breathing techniques for use in labour. Altogether, these thoughts all point to how it all comes back to instincts (again). I am incapable of succinct blogs, unlike my superb guest bloggers, so please bear with me!

Babyhunger

Second guest blog from FB. Thank you.

Infertility is something we don't often talk about, perhaps because it is so intensely personal and we are British after all! So forgive me reader, for I have poured my heart out, but I feel so much better for it.

Guilt vs. a healthy level of responsibility

The recent guest blog, regarding Mother's Guilt was pretty timely. I'm soon to have our second child (37 1/2 weeks!), and thinking alot about wanting to protect Abbie's feelings where possible (i.e., don't make her feel pushed out/ ignored).  I've recently read another chapter of the Free Range Kids book, and have only a tepid response towards it. It is titled "Relax: Not every little thing you do has that much impact on your child's development", so I thought that it'd be good medicine for me. Instead, it was quite a hurried chapter, skimping on aspects that could be covered better. For instance, it describes worry as a fashion, that it is an element of 'helicopter parenting': by worrying, you are doing it in order to prove yourself to be worthy as a Mother. I disagree. Concern about how you and your partner bring up your children is healthy, it shows that you are taking responsibility, that you care. Yes we carry Mother's guilt, and as long as we open up and share our insecurities with our friends and family, we can cancel out the ones that we needn't have worried about and make decisions or acceptances about the others, safe in the knowledge that we are not alone. To quote KT, "let’s remember that in this game of parenthood there is no right or wrong, so let’s all learn from one another, support one another and celebrate they joy of parenthood with each other."

Keep Calm and Carry On - Parenting Twins

Second terrific guest blog from Mother of two very lovely girls indeed, FB.

I had always wanted twins, I can even remember discussing it with my mum as a teenager. Her view was that one would help push the other out at birth - she was so wrong on that point!

I'm a Mother. Guilty as charged.

Our first fantastic guest blog from KT.

When you tell people you’re expecting a baby they will reply with all sorts of things.  Usually how you’ll never have a morning lie-in again, how you’ll never sleep at night, how excruciatingly painful childbirth is, and some of your more optimistic friends may even regale you with tales of the joy and happiness children bring.  What no-one, and I mean NO-ONE told me about was the guilt.  The terrible all-consuming guilt that seems to be part and parcel of being a mum.

Being around

Over the course of my homebirthing self education, through books, internet and chats with others who've had / been involved in / are planning a homebirth, I've moved from a feeling of wariness (being sure that hospital is the safest, lowest risk option) to a feeling of security (homebirth is now the low risk option, and I wish I'd pursued it first time around). I have developed a strong belief in home births and what they represent as having faith in healthy women being able to have children themselves, with the guidance of an experienced midwife, and without, what seems at times unnecessary intervention to speed things along according to a perhaps arbitrary timetable. I am a convert.
 
The biggest shift in the last week has been a strong feeling of wanting my daughter (2y 7mo) to remain at home when I have the new baby. 

Navel gazing? Well, its hard not to

na·vel-gaz·ing  /ˈneɪvəlˌgeɪzɪŋ/

n. Slang
Excessive introspection, self-absorption, or concentration on a single issue

I am a day away from 35 weeks pregnant, and my tummy size reflects it. So yes, thinking about being pregnant and the baby due to make an appearance next month is never far from my mind! Keeping myself balanced, centred, is a continued struggle however, with my overthinking habit: it is enjoyable but needs reining in too. I think I'm getting there though (and just in time!).

Quick update on old blogs: Where we are now

I'm aware that I haven't followed up on some of the old blogs to say how things have progressed since, so am going to use this post as a quick review of the last year, feeding back on any points I previously left open. [There aren't actually very many].

Guest Blog Call Out

So far, I've only been able to write about life from my perspective. Things that have worked for me - whether that's my body or my family or my life setup. I am one person in a world of people, and would love to open up the viewpoint a little.

Hug power

Just a quick comment today - how great hugs are for your children (and you).

Birth planning second time around

I think I can remember my birth plan for my first pregnancy, it was focused on having a water birth in a midwife-led unit, using TENS, gas and air and breathing/relaxation techniques. I was midwife led care throughout pregnancy and hadn't really put any thought into what being induced or having a caesarean would mean, as I didn't think it would affect me. I had put alot of thought into my plan and reasons for choosing them, but in the end the preparation was lost as I was induced at the local hospital, and couldn't have a water birth, and I needed stronger pain relief than I realised... an epidural (something I'd never imagined). This time, I'm hoping for something closer to my original plan, but with birth plans for alternate scenarios just in case. Somewhere between realism and optimism.

The Spiritual and Practical Life: 1. Yoga

I'm sleeping so lightly at the moment that I may as well stay up and write a little... I'm now 29 (and a half) weeks pregnant, though many assume I'm alot closer based on my size, so expect that the big bump is contributing. My sleep is nowhere near deep and dreamful (is that a word?) and my daytime wakefulness is only bordering on being actually awake. Still, it is all very exciting being a properly pregnant person!

Back to the content. 

I wish I could change the prioritising of practicality and efficiency (often of tasks that are unnecessary in the first place) over time for reflection and spirituality in our lives. The two may seem to go together: making time by being efficient and pragmatic in our decision making, but actually letting go of the expectations and perceived obligations is what gives most a real break. I will focus especially on the benefits I've had from 1. Attending a prenatal yoga class in the last few months and 2. Gaining ever more confidence to let go of the impossible expectations put on pregnant women and parents by the experts/Quacks thanks to reading a few choice chapters of Free Range Kids. This first blog will concentrate on my yoga classes. It isn't necessarily doing yoga in pregnancy that I'm encouraging here though, more just doing anything that brings you the peace from doing an activity that you want to do, in amongst all those to do lists of daily necessities.

Christmas doesn't get better than this

Abigail is still saying "Happy Christmas" at every opportunity and asked for party hats and crackers when we had roast dinner yesterday - she completely and utterly loved, and knew about Christmas this year. This year was the first time we all had that Christmas feeling - she was too young really the previous two, and although dressing her up in Santa costumes was fun (see pics - L: 2009, R: 2010), this year was certainly special. I also went a bit mad too, making Christmas Pudding and Christmas cake for the first time (well, me made a cake at school once but I don't really remember much else), I even tried a full-blown Christmas meal for some friends a few weeks before, which didn't go tooo badly... It has been fun just letting myself and Abigail get whipped up into and soaked with the Christmas Spirit. Children do really add another, completely fantastic dimension to Christmas and what it is really all about. Really.

Here's to next year. Happy New Year Everyone XXxx