Carry it forward

I had a hugely satisfying moment last week. I visited my old prenatal yoga group and spoke to eight or so pregnant ladies about my home birth. My intention was to tell the story, and as much as possible, not give them the impression that it was something only for medical outliers or masochists. It was also to promote a normal birth in any location (home, birthing centre, maternity ward, without intervention). I think I pulled it off. My instructor even told me that I was a natural public speaker - ha! Me of all people.

It was after the class, at around 7pm, when just coming to after the relaxation bit at the end. I walked in with Thomas in the car seat, just woken up. I knew how sleepy/hungry I used to feel at these classes by this time and could kind of see it in their eyes but I gave it a go. I hadn't really written anything, just started talking.

I said about how I'd attended Alison's classes during my second and third trimesters, and how much I learnt from her guidance to do with breathing and listening to yourself when it came to what postures to do and how to carry out those postures. That you know what's right for you and your baby.

I described wanting to have a home birth, and to not be induced for a second time after my experience with Abigail. I'd accepted that anything could happen however, so had done my research, reading the Home Birth Handbook, for example, and writing birth plans for all possible scenarios, so that I understood my choices, where I hadn't done the first time. This was due to having a false sense of security that I would have a normal birth, as I'd been midwife-led care throughout my first pregnancy so hadn't found out about (or rather, listened carefully to advice regarding) Caesareans, induction, cascade of interventions, as I thought I would have a water birth at the local birthing centre. I also explained that I wasn't having a home birth to test my pain threshold or make a stand against using pain relief - I'd done my reading and believed in the capabilities of my own body/ baby/ influence of feeling safe and comfortable at home.

I then went on to talk through the birth from first contraction at 9.30pm to getting into bed with my husband around 4am after waving goodbye to our midwives as Thomas slept in the moses basket (for more, see New Labour).

• I tried to emphasise the fact that I didn't have much planned apart from using the TENS, maybe having a bath or shower, breathing, staying off my back and just doing what felt right. 
• I said that walking about, staying upright until the second stage worked for me. Chasing the contractions instead of waiting for them to come to me. 
• I said I couldn't read factsheets on labour positions/ breathing techniques once labour established so had to just do what worked (deep breathing through base of stomach up to shoulder blades, making the fullest use of each breath - yogic breath)
• I compared Abbie's size at delivery (6lb 14oz) to Thomas' (9lb 3oz), and that I had had to have stitches (sorry for the graphic detail but thought it'd be something they'd want to know) with Abbie, whilst delivering lying on my back with an epidural, but none for Thomas, leaning forward over a chair with some Entonox. Eyes did widen at this point! 
• I said about how nice it was to be at home, on your terms, having a cup of tea afterwards, a shower in your shower, using your towels and toiletries, getting into your own bed when all done. The peace and quiet of home. The easy recovery and effect I think it had on Thomas.

Afterwards, everyone smiled but only one person asked a question. Whether I'd wanted a homebirth from the beginning. Noone else asked anything, they did look quite tired although doing their best to appear appreciative through the fatigue! A few of the women said thankyou as they left and one came up to me and said how she feels alot stronger now, that I really helped her, as she didn't want to have the pethedine etc - to lose control - but wasn't sure it was possible. Brilliant. Alison also reassurred me afterwards that they were a quiet group and only the one who asked me a question usually spoke up in the classes anyway so not to worry. Even though I was nervous, and probably repeated myself a bit, she said that I spoke from the heart and that she's sure it made a difference.

As I drove home I felt quite shaky, but in a good way - the feeling of achievement. I didn't expect it (I expected to mess up!). It was the feeling that perhaps I'd made a small change to them - that in preparation for and during labour they might draw some strength from my experience and potentially avoid intervention as a result, and that if intervention was necessary, they still remain in control. Even the consequences of that on their self belief thereafter with their newborn family (well, you never know!).

I'm not saying that I was some sort of life-changer charismatic speaker... Just to make a teeny tiny impact was enough of a reward for me. I don't know how much of a difference my blog writing makes, so being able to talk to the small group was a privilege. I wish them all well.