The Spiritual and Practical Life: 1. Yoga

I'm sleeping so lightly at the moment that I may as well stay up and write a little... I'm now 29 (and a half) weeks pregnant, though many assume I'm alot closer based on my size, so expect that the big bump is contributing. My sleep is nowhere near deep and dreamful (is that a word?) and my daytime wakefulness is only bordering on being actually awake. Still, it is all very exciting being a properly pregnant person!

Back to the content. 

I wish I could change the prioritising of practicality and efficiency (often of tasks that are unnecessary in the first place) over time for reflection and spirituality in our lives. The two may seem to go together: making time by being efficient and pragmatic in our decision making, but actually letting go of the expectations and perceived obligations is what gives most a real break. I will focus especially on the benefits I've had from 1. Attending a prenatal yoga class in the last few months and 2. Gaining ever more confidence to let go of the impossible expectations put on pregnant women and parents by the experts/Quacks thanks to reading a few choice chapters of Free Range Kids. This first blog will concentrate on my yoga classes. It isn't necessarily doing yoga in pregnancy that I'm encouraging here though, more just doing anything that brings you the peace from doing an activity that you want to do, in amongst all those to do lists of daily necessities.

Stay Centred

At the end of our yoga sessions, our instructor says a few words that are somewhere along the lines of "Stay centred, do not stray to far from your centre and always come back to centre". It is based on a Buddhist saying and I interpret it as telling me that I should remember who I am and stay true to myself. Go out, explore and experience other points of view but do not lose sight of your instincts and the person you are and want to become.

It reminds me of the concepts of maternal self esteem and self efficacy that were central to the research I carried out prior to leaving my work to become a full time Mum. Mothers with increased self efficacy and self belief are able to be more contingent / in tune with their child (i.e., be able to read and respond to their communicative cues from day 1 and beyond) and that this connection establishes a relationship between Mother and Child which has been found to benefit both in all levels, for example, benefiting a child's speech, language, cognitive, social and emotional development (NB: These benefits are applicable to other relationships too btw - Dads, other guardians not excluded!). We were working with mothers of reduced self esteem, brought about by having a baby with a disability, which in turn generated additional stress and reduced self confidence in their own ability to help the child, thus further degrading the developmental environment for their child and their own happiness.

So when I'm talking about spirituality and reflection, I am thinking more of staying centred and being able to be focused enough to maintain your own strength of self belief. This is instead of potentially being weakened and confused by the vast amount of unnecessary expectations and instructions set on yourself either by yourself or by others (those you know, or those coming from the media and baby/parenting books). When I say self belief this does not mean arrogance either - I'm not saying that there is not good and valid advice out there for us to learn from, or that our own beliefs may not change or cannot be moulded by talking to others. [If I had an Editor they'd probably point out that I do churn out alot of opinion in my blogs too, so how's that different? Am I just being a hypocrite - take my advice but no-one else's? Well... I hope that the main theme to my blog comes through at least a little bit, which is that this blog is trying to be an antithesis to all the advice books and half-baked news articles: instinct is key, have your all. Most of my blogs are also a written reminder for myself, saying that parenting isn't as complex as it may seem and to relax more as I learn parenting. Apologies if I cross the line sometimes, I try not to].

Back to the Yoga

I believe that my yoga classes are excellent. I attended - though drifted towards the end - prenatal yoga classes in my first pregnancy as well, but this was a different instructor and group set up. The classes were bigger, and the sessions were on a pay-as-you-go basis, so there wasn't much continuity each week with who was there, and although it was great to hear stories of people's pregnancies and later, birth stories, it just wasn't on the same level as my current group. If I was being harsh, I'd say that my first prenatal yoga group was a box-ticking exercise: "I should do yoga to relax in pregnancy and get ready for labour, and here are the yoga poses and breathing techniques. Done." Whereas there is no cold practicality to the group I attend currently. I know that they are doing me good and I wouldn't waste my time or money on anything that wasn't making such a difference, even if everyone told me otherwise.

My instructor, Alison, is an ex nurse and midwife and has been teaching yoga for 10 years. So she has all that I like to see: she has the qualifications and experience of her previous profession, so can recognise the spiritual and personal sides to pregnancy and childbirth, without rejecting any of the biological or medical foundations [I get a bit nervous around people who reject one for the sake of the other]. We are a small group of five women meeting each week, paid up and committed to each block of so many weeks. None of the yoga postures are too challenging and there is equal emphasis placed on the postures, breathing techniques and relaxation (I LOVE the relaxation bit, time to properly let go when the rest of my time at home is typically on call and on demand 24-7!). The techniques and postures that we learn are all great, and I get to imagine using them in labour as well as the physical benefit of using them now. For example, getting myself and my baby the maximum oxygen by breathing properly and maintaining good sitting positions, techniques to help position the baby well for delivery, (e.g., to avoid breech or back-to-back), strengthening muscles for carrying the weight of the baby and delivery and recovery afterwards (pelvic floor!), stretches to reduce chances of cramp, breathing techniques to practise now if feeling stressed or anxious. I also really like being able to talk about my concerns for my next labour, based on my previous restrictive hospital induction experience, knowing that she knows what I'm talking about and can offer advice for how the techniques can be used around the heartbeat monitor etc. in a labour ward if induction happens again.

Throughout the class, Alison reminds us that we should do what feels right to us - if we want to support ourselves with cushions, want to bend our knees, stop or go, vocalise our outward breath etc. feel free. This supports, not suppresses, our own inner voice and it gives me an opportunity to read myself and recognise that when it comes to it, I will know what position, movement, breathing - whatever - will work. This encouragement helps me to trust myself and my body more than I would have. Having experienced the hospital delivery with various different midwives in attendance, and being restricted by the different wires and tubes, leading to a gradual feeling of being out of control, I know that I am at risk of handing myself over again. Although I had done the yoga the first time, I hadn't connected deeply enough with the experience and  anything I learned went out of the window whilst labour progressed.

I'm aware that I am waffling (wood for the trees!), so here are some nice easy bullet points describing the benefits of Yoga in Pregnancy (Physical/Mental/Spiritual) and their Results, straight from the factsheet:

• Will not necessarily guarantee a quick, easy birth, but offers you the tools to cope with the process of labour and birth
• Greater ability to be able to accept whatever happens without guilt, blame or regret
• An ability to trust your instincts and 'go with' contractions without holding back
• Allows you to relax in harmony with the downward pull of gravity
• Allows for flexibility of mind without loss of self-confidence and self-esteem when medical interventions are necessary
• May be helpful in reducing the risk of postnatal depression
• Helps to promote bonding by building the bridge of contact made between mother and baby during the antenatal period
• Hopefully a more calmer and relaxed mum and baby

I'm happy to pass on the details of my instructor to anyone who is local, but my advice would be that not all prenatatal yoga groups all the same. I hope that if you are looking to find a group that you can find one that works for you, and that you don't feel like you're just going through the motions of attending a class rather than getting, what I'm finding at least, a sizeable benefit.

The Bigger Picture

This is not just about yoga, or pregnancy. The title describes the battle between the little time in our lives for non-industrious time, for activities that aren't demonstrably affecting our bank balances, careers and family obligations. Eleven years ago my priorities were getting to lectures, getting my studies done and spending the weekends going out dancing, seeing bands etc., then wandering around London and Birmingham with my now husband. These days life is very different, it's fantastic but more complex: having a family is one of the best decisions of our lives. We both want to make the right decisions for us, which requires planning and responsibility towards finances, careers and so on. I have to be careful not to spend all of my time thinking around those practical considerations though and losing sight of myself. For this reason, yoga has helped me to strengthen my connection to who I am and where I'm going - spirituality. There are probably allsorts of activities from reading a book you've always wanted to read to skydiving (maybe not pregnant people!) that maybe could do with bumping up the priority list in order to shape up our spiritual selves. Three things that I've got into in the last few months have been yoga, reading novels again and swimming.

More yoga in pregnancy reading: Mother's Breath: A Definitive Guide to Yoga Breathing, Sound and Awareness Practices During Pregnancy, Birth, Post-natal Recovery and Mothering, Uma Dinsmore-Tuli