They do what you do

Spending time together as a family has been great this Christmas - I'm noticing how much it means to my husband especially. The general theme tends to be just how fantastic Abigail is - what a great lil girl she is growing into. Alot of the time, his amazement at her is also attributed to what I've been doing, but really I can't say I'm doing anything as she's is mostly just imitating us, what she wants to be is like us. As long as we are who we want her to learn to be, the rest just happens. And it is great to see.

One example is table manners and eating in general. The starter for this was really (yes, a common message now I know) baby-led weaning. They eat what you eat, in the consistency that you eat it. They will eat a meal as you do (meat, fish, vegetables and carbs, like you do) - not separate 'children's' food while you eat the adult stuff, i.e., not one rule for them, another for you. They drink from an open cup like you, eat whole apples, pears, plums, like you do, and so forth. It leads to a much less complicated and more enjoyable meal time arrangement - less faff, not to mention cost, creating multiple meals, so more time to enjoy the occasion itself. The B-L weaning philosophy also emphasised the contribution of the social element of eating - by all eating together around the table, (rather than eating in isolation, from a highchair away from the dinner table, and typically before everyone eats their meals), mealtimes are even more enjoyable and empowering for the child: "look at me, I'm eating what everyone else is eating, with everyone else!".

This has extended on - Abbie no longer wears a bib, but has a napkin - we have napkins with meals with her too, so there's no distinction between her and us, and she definitely prefers mimicking us (hers is tucked in nice and high, whereas ours are on our laps, but we're all participating). She also sits on a chair (kneels or on a cushion) rather than on a highchair. She's also started putting her fork and spoon together in the centre of the plate at the end of a meal like we do - all her choice (think we're ready to move onto children's cutlery - knives and forks! - now... watch this space). Another example is the photo above, from able2able, who blogs about her three year old son preferring to drinking out of a glass, "I didn't think my Typically Developing 3 year old cared whether he used a glass or a cup, but after he got his first glass he made it clear that he was a big kid and did not need plastic cups anymore!"

I don't know how much I need to labour the point but we're realising more and more how straightforward this malarky is if most of the time we behave as we want her to behave in any area of daily living.  If I shout at the cat when I'm grumpy one morning, guess who does it too?! OK, so I need to not do that (check). If I want Abbie to keep warm this winter, then we both wrap up with coats, scarves, hats, gloves. Soon I have a commentary "Mummy scarf, Abbie scarf too" etc. She says "bless you" if we sneeze, as we have always done for her, and now her language skills mean that she is able to say it herself, she does. She's proud that we're doing things together, so why not keep doing it? If I want Abbie to tidy up after herself, then I need to keep tidy myself - again, things are much simpler to understand if we're all generally doing the same thing, rather than leaving questions open of "how come I have to ..... if Mummy/Daddy isn't ....... too?" Think of anything that you'd like your child to do and I think it's likely that if you're already doing it, they'll soon catch on (or are already aware of it, even if not actioning it already, it won't be long [I'm hoping this is the case with potty training]). Everything else that you're doing is already being absorbed too.... so if you don't want them picking it up, it maybe worth remembering!!

Yes, there are times that sometimes our children have to follow our instructions and do things that we are not doing, e.g., not use the oven/hob etc., but hopefully we can explain these exceptions and the rest of the time they get the satisfaction of showing themselves to be the very capable little learning children that they are.