The biggest shift in the last week has been a strong feeling of wanting my daughter (2y 7mo) to remain at home when I have the new baby.
I always thought that she would/should go and stay with friends overnight for at least one night. But now, with the confidence in and better understanding of what the birth would entail (especially a second birth, which could be fairly fast anyway), birth isn't presenting itself as an unpleasant event to be part of, and more and more I'm believing that things will be fine - no dramas. Apparently the body already knows to time things, as many births occur overnight, when the siblings are in bed, so by the time Abbie would have woken up, the baby would have been born. I've read most of my home birth book now, and frequently the birth stories end up (on advice of the midwife) with Mum and baby having a bath after the birth, while the sheets and towels etc. are cleared away, and everyone tucked up in bed afterwards for a cuddle and snooze - Mum, baby, siblings and Dad. That image to me sounds magical. I keep picturing it.
I know I can't count on anything, and shouldn't get my hopes up, stay open minded. I might not have a homebirth anyway.
I also do not like the idea of Abbie being present during the second stage and birth, as it is an unknown quantity to me and wouldn't want her to be upset by anything, especially if a change of plan and medical assistance is needed. However, I don't see why she can't be around during the first stage, and as soon as possible after her brother is born.
We have to think this all through, and decide what we will do - it isn't just my decision. Hopefully the homebirth assessment will help. The midwife who delivered Abbie said that she predicted a fast birth second time around, based on the time between me having my epidural (6.30am ish) and delivery. They'd predicted 12 noon and Abbie made her way into the world at 9.49am much to her surprise.
Sorry, this blog is a bit of a brain dump when I can't get off to sleep because too busy thinking about practical preparations for the birth and beyond. If anyone has experience of a homebirth with / without siblings present, I'd be interested to hear how it went and if any advice. Has anyone else experienced the same feelings?
Anna, I shall put on my "Keep Calm and Carry On" hat and the useless opinion of the male of the species (which I am sure you'll be cursing at some point in the process) with no children, and say that at 2 and a half, Abbie probably isn't going to remember much.
ReplyDeleteAlso, kids have the attention span of a cat, so if Bernard sticks on CBeebies during any gross bits I reckon she'll probably gravitate towards that. I would, and Claire tells me I act like a 2 year old, so it must be true.
:-)
Beyond wise. Thanks Mr Turtle!
ReplyDeleteAnna, I went to hospital to have William, albeit a midwife led unit... and I was more upset about leaving Chloe behind than I was worried about the pain I was in! We left for the hospital at 0530, way before Chloe would wake; in the more than capable care of my mum and dad. All i could think about was that she would wake up and I wouldn't be there and she would be upset. By the time I got to QA, I was in a right pickle and I'm sure the midwife thought I was bonkers! Needless to say, Chloe woke up, saw Nonna and Pops and didn't even ask where we were!
ReplyDeleteI guess what I am trying to say, is if you want Abbie there, and for her to be a part of it, then that is what you should do; but don't be offended if she's really not that interested ;o)
xx
Thanks CM - I totally understand you getting in a pickle - I think the location of birth isn't all of it, it's being away from Abbie and that strangeness of us not all being together. Good to hear that Chloe took it all in her stride! B remembers waking up to a 'strange woman being in his parents bed' (turned out to be his auntie) when his sister was born when he was 5, so been thinking about that too, making sure she knows what's going on and not too confused. I've been warned that life carries on as usual when you have a homebirth so little time for rest if Abbie was there for all of it, but I can't get rid of that feeling of wanting her around (not during the intense labour/birth bits, in case bit too much for her, and us), but just that I want to time away to be as short as possible so we can all be together. Even wondering if helps sibling rivalry? But it is all me - my heart strings - sounds like it is likely that Abbie will find it all a breeze, even if I have been taking it all so intensely and sensitively (as usual!!).
ReplyDeleteThanks for passing on your experiences - has been good to read. xx