Navel gazing? Well, its hard not to

na·vel-gaz·ing  /ˈneɪvəlˌgeɪzɪŋ/

n. Slang
Excessive introspection, self-absorption, or concentration on a single issue

I am a day away from 35 weeks pregnant, and my tummy size reflects it. So yes, thinking about being pregnant and the baby due to make an appearance next month is never far from my mind! Keeping myself balanced, centred, is a continued struggle however, with my overthinking habit: it is enjoyable but needs reining in too. I think I'm getting there though (and just in time!).


Knowledge is power

I want to take in as much knowledge as possible so that I can make (hopefully) informed decisions regarding my second child's birth and the days/weeks after, and, so that I am armoured with a confidence in my opinions, if ever I need to defend them or adapt them (being aware of the whole picture). I try as much as possible to draw conclusions based on sound evidence, and to stay away from fads and less credible advice, but I am also as weak as anyone else can be (I hope some of you understand what I say when I talk about the chemical influx/ swamp that is pregnancy and motherhood in general! In control? Err... sometimes?). So, in this time of emotional gradients and sleep deprivation (I know, it hasn't even begun yet once I have another newborn to juggle!), I'm doing my best to find a balance between being informed and being deranged by my own information overload.

Birth plan update

My birth planning blog laid out what still stands as my birth plan. I have now finally read the Induction: Do I really need it? publication by AIMS and have learnt alot, an awful lot more about induction than I ever knew in my first pregnancy (which roughly equated to nothing at all).  For example, "In 2002, 21.5% of women who gave birth in England and Wales had their labours medically induced... the rate of induction and reasons given for doing so seems to vary according to geographical area, and even between doctors working in the same hospital" (p7). It has geared me up even more to not want to be induced unless absolutely necessary, and I know that it is possible to refuse induction (within reason). However, I had been getting a bit fixated on induction and how I can avoid it. I started off intending to encourage the onset of labour through non-medical methods from 36 weeks, e.g., raspberry leaf tea, clary sage oil, curries, and other more active pursuits. But by the end of the booklet, and after a chat with my husband, realised that it isn't really my place to push things along before they are ready. "Any method to try and induce should be carefully considered because of the effect on the baby and because the baby may not be ready to be born" (p57). My baby will come out when he is ready and I need to give him space or I'm interfering with the natural process by creating my own home grown induction. After 41 weeks, on the advice of my midwife, is perhaps a little different, but I'm not doing anything different until then. Also, induction is what it is. Abbie is a fantastic little girl and my birth wasn't terrible. If I have to have an induction, then so be it. I will just ask for an epidural much earlier on and not apologise (mostly to myself) for being weak this time.

It's also been really interesting to learn about the history of home births in Home Birth: A Practical Guide, by Nicky Wesson. For example, home birth rates have switched from 99% at home in 1890, to 1% 100 years later (2.4% in 2010 (England)). Reasons for a hospital birth weren't always to do with the birth either, e.g., 54% of births now took place in hospitals in 1946, partly responsible by the Second World War: a hospital birth meant receiving food (not from your rations) and someone else doing your laundry. There is much more to the chapter than that though, and not for me to quote it all here. I've still got to read the rest of the book but these bad night's sleep are really interfering with my progress. Hopefully I'll get most of it covered by my home birth assessment with my midwife next Monday! Mostly, I've found the book reassurring, together with the more recent Oxford University Birthplace study, so am pretty happy. Also, having friends who have already had straightforward homebirths and one currently planning one to share thoughts with has made a big difference (not to mention the many episodes of Call the Midwife!).

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler"  - Albert Einstein

Something that has worked to settle my information cravings, and remind me of my own message of 'trust your instincts' [I think I should add the K.I.S.S. principle too], has been reading the first few chapters of my Sears and Sears Baby Book (yes, more reading!) and conversations with friends (ah, people, not just books - good idea).

Preparing for our new baby

The US husband and wife team, paedatrician William and nurse Martha Sears, hold over 30 years medical experience whilst also being parents to their eight children. Their baby book covers the philosophy of attachment parenting, something that has resonated with me since the moment I started reading it. A friend bought me the book when B and I were flapping around Abbie and sleep when she was around 3 months old, and it brought peace of mind to read something that combined a medical knowledge with a loving, security-oriented attitude to parenting. However, the first few chapters on preparing for the birth, labour itself and the newborn early weeks were skipped as no longer relevent to us. Reading over them this weekend was timely.

The checklists of what you need were useful to go through and find out that apart from some newborn nappies and more cotton wool, we had it all already. The sentence "Most of what your baby really needs is what you already have - warm milk, warm hearts, strong arms and endless patience - and these don't cost any money" (p34) really set me on track though. From there, Chapter 4: Getting the right start with your newborn, described the first meeting, bonding with your baby, and the mother-infant communication system ("By spending time together and rehearsing the cue-response dialogue, baby and mother learn to fit together well - and bring out the best in each other" (p46)), in addition to the hospital procedures, e.g., APGAR scoring.

The following chapters continued to offer the advice I needed to read, for example, in Chapter 5: Postpartum family adjustments, they advise that I stay in my pyjamas for two weeks, allowing myself to be pampered and signalling to the rest of the family that I am off duty! It instructs us to get help too, "at no time in history have new mothers been expected to do so much for so many with so little help" (p57). This is so true, particularly as the rest of our family are over 200 miles away, and bringing up Abbie for us has definitely been a nucleic experience. Seeing this in writing authorises me to ask for help (hopefully I will manage to anyway) - no babygros, we'd rather you'd help with the washing and hoovering, or some dinner please!!

In the same chapter, the advice for Dads section is also great, including 1. Keep the nest tidy (see left), 2. Improve your serve (food and watering Mum), 3. Be sensitive, 4. Guard against intruders, 5. Take charge of siblings and 6. Be a gatekeeper against unhelpful advice. The tidiness bit in particular makes me feel less crazy for being so touchy about cleanliness and tidiness at the moment - it predicts this postpartum in the mother and so normalises it for both of us! More valuable chapters roll on but I think you get the gist now.

Thankyou for being a friend

Finally, speaking to the friends I meet each week as part of my days looking after Abbie have provided a valuable source of good advice. I am meeting up with these women and their children because I enjoy it - and Abbie does too. Our parenting approaches are complementary and so they are a safe place to air my concerns or just overthinking, preparatory questions on what's to come. Particularly with three mums that I met during my NCT classes, who all now have had their second children over the course of the last 10 months. One had her 3 week old out for the first time when we met up last week, and was just so relaxed and sorted. Her advice was the same as it was the first time around: keep them watered one end and dry the other and the rest sorts itself out. She's always been a wise one and I took the words onboard. They allowed me to hold on less tightly to all that other knowledge I'd accumulated lately. The knowledge does bring me power, I know that I know most of what I wanted to now and when I need it I can go and find it. What I really need for this birth and postpartum weeks is already here - me, B and Abbie.

And finally

Along with all the other preparations that happen in time for a baby, having friends about and meeting new mums at a similar stage shouldn't be neglected (in my experience anyway).

I cannot express enough how much of a difference the friendships with other Mums that I have gained since having Abbie, as well as the friends I knew before this whole world of parenting was opened up to me (some of whom are now parents too) has meant. Thank you all very, very much.