Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks

It's been three weeks or so since I started my full timing. It's gone slowly and quickly. It's been tiring and the best thing I've ever done. I have no regrets (apart from the USS witholding my employer contributions to my pension - PANTS). I have so far, not joined any mother and toddler groups, no commitments yet (we'll see what happens).


Something I have realised as the days have passed is the importance that I don't whip myself up into another busy lifestyle, of efficiency and over-ambition. Multi-tasking is not good for the soul.
Conscientious Mothers want to do their best - be on top of it all, but sometimes you can't do it without a cost. I used to pride myself that during Abbie's afternoon nap (1 hour ish) I'd wash up, hoover and mop the kitchen floor, in time to have a mug of coffee in my hand just at the time she woke up again. Now the washing up is still stacked, hoover still in the cupboard. I am sat on the settee, in the sun shining through the front window, with a mug of coffee and a book. Efficiency is out of here and it is a good thing.

Heart rate down, please.

When we're out for a walk (most days, and it's wonderful) I have to remember to slowwww doooowwwn, not pace it into town, or put a time frame on our walks. I don't have to rush and I don't have to rush Abigail.

It's part of Modern Life that we have little time and no excuses with all the technology around to support it. So many people out on the mobile whilst driving, pushing the buggy, walking the dog, in company with others. I saw a mother of two yesterday, ciggie in one hand, mobile in the other, children either side doing their own thing. When we walk into town, the pavements are empty, the roads full - cars speeding past to get to their destination more quickly - no time for walking. No time.

In 1950, there were 1 million cars on the road. In 2011, 30 million.

When I was out at the supermarket, I saw a woman wearing this t-shirt, which I looked up (I thought I'd be a bit weird if I asked her directly, so I just squinted in her direction until I could read what it said - definitely not weird that way, phew).

The t-shirts are a range produced by Patagonia and the message behind them fit in well with the simple, unrushed way of life I'm trying to fit together. I know I probably sound irritating, a preachy hippy, but this isn't for anyone else (any benefits elsewhere are an added and hopefully probable bonus - living locally, within our means, within our carbon footprints, enjoying free nature not fabricated synthetics).

I want to be happy and healthy and I want my family to be too. Rushing about, purchasing things and consuming isn't particularly satisfying. Any trip to the Westfield in Derby is never what I expected - shopping malls are life-suckers. Sitting in traffic to/from work with everyone else is no fun either, especially with the fuel prices hiking up and up (and the environmental and political consequences of the drilling for that oil, let alone the fumes generated. e.g., US debate). Some people don't have a choice, they have to work, they have to drive, they have to sit in the bloomin' rush hour. If you can find a choice to avoid it though, I'd recommend avoiding the high speed, efficiency of modern living. It really is rubbish.

Am I part of the cure? Or am I part of the disease?