Moved to wordpress

This blog is no more. I've decided to go for a different, non-google host site:

http://stillonmyfeet.wordpress.com/

Hope you like it.

Thanks,
Anna

My take on AP

I was recently made aware of a letter in the Huffington Post slating attachment parenting, dubbed 'detachment parenting' (well, LOL). While it frustrated me that such an article had been written, it also worried me too, that it had been presented all the wrong way and the damage that could be done by it. Luckily, the author of the Nurshable blog had written a reply that clarified things and straightened out the wackiness portrayed. It inspired me to write out my understanding of what it is that I'm doing and what it is that I see Attachment Parenting to be. See what you think. It's nothing to do with superglueing yourself, or your partner, to your child either - it is about being there for them, in mind and in body.

Read these blogs first perhaps:

Nicola Kraus - My Message to Dr Sears
Nurshable - My Message to Nicola Kraus

Changing bag lady

Until Thomas was born, we used a rucksack for a changing bag. We had a foldup mat, with pockets for wipes and liners, nappies and a wet bag; putting wallet, phone etc., in whatever pockets available. But the second time around, I liked the idea of a nice changing bag treat. I was also not keen to spend the extortionate prices on changing bags (I found one for £269, although most do start at £20, so mustn't exaggerate), or for it to only have a short life as a changing bag - I wanted it to have more than one practical use.

I know it sounds funny with the devotion I have to the topics of Mumhood, but I didn't particularly want to hoik a changing bag (they are rather obvious and clunky, and very plasticky) around as it defined my identity somewhat more than I'd like, having just a bag with nappies and their necessary accessories with them, along with whatever else I need for the day feels different.

Talk talk

How do you feel about the heirarchy of communication that exists these days, from a nice chat with a cuppa, to somebody you haven't seen for 10 years liking your Facebook status? Are we watering down our communication skills or broadening them? How are these styles of interaction affecting who we are, and what relationships we have, how we are with our children and the role models we are for them? I have a feeling that everything I'm about to write isn't new, but what alot of us are thinking these days...

The realisation that there is a conflict between our need to socialise and interact, and the interference, as well as contribution made, by digital technology (the internet, smartphones, social networking, computer games etc.,) is happening. Just last week, Radio 4 were at The Aspen Festival of Ideas, Colorado, USA, discussing the subject; and Will Self and Zadie Smith talked about writing and being distracted by the internet (I couldn't find the link, but press article here); Women's Hour discussed the problems of young girls feeling obligated to post suggestive photos of themselves on Facebook and other networks being raised by Esther Ransen based on calls they make to ChildLine. There's also been a pretty funny comedy taken from the Edinburgh festival, "Pearl and Dave", depicting the change from relationships beginning with a chat in person, asking out to cinema etc., and these days initiated through Facebook messaging, before meeting in person (which all became too much and online interaction returned).  Beyond the radiowaves, my husband had to initiate the banning of smartphones in the workplace a while ago, due to the distraction to those employees who own them and their office colleagues, and its impact on productivity (quality and quantity). My focus on young families is just one of many discussions going on with regards to how to get the balance right with regards to how we use (and don't use) technology.

Note: Yes I have been listening to alot of Radio 4. I made the most of the opportunity to whilst Abigail was on hols with her grandparents a few weeks ago!

He's eating already

I waited until Abbie was 6 months old, in line with the NHS/WHO guidelines and there were no complaints from either of us. However, despite planning on doing the same, Thomas has other ideas about wanting to get started on solid food. A few days ago I relented, letting him try on a piece of cucumber, which went down well. Once that was done, some orange segments. The next day the interest was the same at our mealtimes (you eat, then I want to too, e.g., lunging forwards with his body/ swiping grabs with his hands/ general complaining noises). I'm sticking with fruit and vegetables until we hit 6 months. Thomas is somewhere over 17lbs and 5 months old. He's been eating/gnawing/sucking on the following so far: cucumber, orange, tomato, celery, green pepper, banana, pear, nectarine (nothing especially planned, just the food we were having with our main meals/pudding). All either whole or (his) fist sizes.

Waisting away

Moving on from my ongoing conversations with myself regarding parenting philosophies, facts and self efficacy, something a little more practical has cropped up lately: clothing. Well, how to not end up looking like a sack of potatoes. Marilyn Monroe can wear a sack o spuds, but not me.

Whine/Wean

I can only feel ashamed of the information disaster area that is our media when it comes to the google search I just did on weaning guidelines (in this case, introducing solids). It falls in with previous frustrations at the looseness of "facts" out there (Science and Myths blog from last year). I know what I plan to do, and it's not listening to bloody (sorry for swearing) Annabel-loadsa-money-Karmel!

FashionAble

I heard the other day that babywearing was fashionable. That's nice to hear. 

My thai vegetable curry

Thomas is asleep, Abbie in nursery so I may as well get this one down too. Yet again, it includes chillies. This is an adapted recipe: I used to buy the paste, then make the paste following a recipe, then I designed my own, simpler version so I didn't have to read and cook (which keeps things cleaner in the kitchen, my poor recipe books are a bit messy!) I used to add king prawns (raw better than cooked I found), but after watching Simon Reeve's Indian Ocean programme I abandoned buying the poor creatures (and the industry) altogether, and don't miss them because the veggie option tastes great by itself - although you can meat things up with left over chicken, beef or lamb from sunday roast if you like. Again, the ingredients and measurements are in no way fixed, just follow what you can - you don't need to add everything.

Chilli con carne and Mexican tsatsiki

All the talk about food shopping last week, so I thought I'd include some of my recipes. Here's a recipe for something you probably all know, with an invention I created on top, "mexican tsatsiki". I always tend to make it spicy so yoghurt good to cool it down again, the fennel seeds really clean it up - good for Abbie and hubbie. Don't necessarily stick to the measurements or ingredients precisely - whatever your taste buds and grocery cupboards/ fridge allows (that's what I do anyway). The extra vegetables makes it lighter than meat heavy varieties and helps the food go further.

Munny

This is quick. A while ago I talked about saving money. Things have moved on. Supermarkets are BLOOMING expensive and so is petrol. What do I do?

Carry it forward

I had a hugely satisfying moment last week. I visited my old prenatal yoga group and spoke to eight or so pregnant ladies about my home birth. My intention was to tell the story, and as much as possible, not give them the impression that it was something only for medical outliers or masochists. It was also to promote a normal birth in any location (home, birthing centre, maternity ward, without intervention). I think I pulled it off. My instructor even told me that I was a natural public speaker - ha! Me of all people.

Technology free Tuesdays

I've recently read this blog about a Mom deciding to stop the media stuff every Monday. To slow things down and focus that attention instead of the usual spreading. It makes sense, so I don't need to repeat her reasons.

We're going to try it too (but on Tuesdays because Abbie's at nursery on Mondays so not much use!). It fits in with the peace I've found from attending a couple of toddler sessions at the local Steiner group. Wireless entertainment, back to earth, away from noise and light pollution these tronics pump out even when on standby. Looking forward to it. Dropping the Sky subscription was satisfying enough!

Luddites for a day.

"Don't worry Mummy"

For the last few weeks I've had a few ups and downs, mostly revolving around behaviour: mine, my daughter's, other people. Reflecting back over now, the comment my daughter made to me today says it all (see title). It happened after I was trying to explain (yes, to an almost 3 year old - what was I thinking?), that I was upset that we couldn't get her haircut because she didn't want to when we got there (after a struggle to get there in the first place). From now on, I'm going to try and not worry as much. I said try.

Mini me

I think this photo says it all really, but this is an update to a blog I wrote a while ago, describing that "they do what you do" and to take this and apply it wherever.

Chances to bond

When you have a baby, having them close, being there as soon as they need you is something you want to do automatically. So how does this work when you are responsible for two children (a lively toddler and a little baby)? I've been figuring this out over the past ten weeks. 

More baby gear

I missed some off the last list of goodies for babies / you. Here are a few more.

My bumgenius nappies don't smell of wee anymore

This is a quick blog to say that my 'recipe' has changed a little for washing the Bumgenius one size v3.0 nappies now they're back again for a second run. 

7 weeks living as a family of four

I'm finally writing down my experiences in this happy time enjoying the early days of my blooming family. It's taken me a few weeks to sit down and write (I'm writing as Thomas sleeps on me in his sling - this hot weather has been a little unsettling for him, my daughter is at nursery today after a bout of chicken pox and potty training in sequence - we've been busy!). The washing machine's on, washing up is piling but not critical, I'm listening to some relaxing music and spilling out onto the keyboard at last.

Speaking of breastmilk

These are notes for me as a breastfeeding mother. This is not a challenge to those who don't breastfeed, I'm just sharing some of the reassurrance that I got from reading it - I found it interesting, you might too.

After finding out that the chances of Thomas catching chicken pox off Abbie were lower as a result of me breastfeeding him, I was pretty chuffed (see chicken pox blog). It isn't to say he won't contract it. Just made me jump a little inside out of celebration for the amazingness of breastmilk! I did also wonder about what the other benefits were to the immune system - if it could do this, what else could it do? 

I checked out the Cochrane review database, where tightly controlled reviews are made of all scientific research over a period of time to find out the answer to a particular question. If you ever get frustrated that one article comes out saying one thing, later another says to do completely the opposite, these reviews take all the studies together, say over a 20 year period, and deliver the most up to date answers. I found this review by Renfrew et al., (2012), where the background more than covers the benefits of breastfeeding:

"Breastfeeding has a fundamental impact on the short-, medium- and long-term health of children and has an important impact on women’s health. Good quality evidence demonstrates that in both low- and high-income settings not breastfeeding contributes to infant mortality, hospitalisation for preventable disease such as gastroenteritis and respiratory disease, increased rates of childhood diabetes and obesity...Few health behaviours have such a broad-spectrum and long-lasting impact on population health, with the potential to improve life chances, health and wellbeing...The established negative impact on a population of not breastfeeding has resulted in global and national support for encouraging the initiation and continuation of breastfeeding. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that, wherever possible, infants should be fed exclusively on breast milk until six months of age (WHO 2003), with breastfeeding continuing as an important part of the infant’s diet till at least two years of age." (Note: For an idea of what this means in terms of how much feeding occurs as babies grow, see bottom of this blog)

Interestingly, it also highlights the issues of incorrect guidance from health professionals, something that has been advised to stop since 1991 and it is still happening!:

"In few settings is standard care offered by professionals with an in-depth understanding of the prevention and treatment of breastfeeding problems. To address this, UNICEF and the WHO established the global Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (Baby Friendly Initiative in some countries) in 1991 to train health professionals and remove inappropriate routines such as supplementary feeding and restrictions on feeding times. Over 15,000 facilities in 134 countries have been accredited (UNICEF 2011), but most babies are still not born in a Baby Friendly environment"

I took in the advice of midwives, health visitors etc when my daughter was born, and some of it did conflict. It's taken time for me to learn to take their advice with a pinch of salt, to trust my own instincts on what's right, as well as to seek accurate advice from other sources. Although I am doing this now, I think that it is a concern that we cannot rely on advice from such people, at times when we could be quite vulnerable and need good advice. Being able to make informed decisions (based on the truth) about how and whether or not we breastfeed is so important, to us and most likely to the NHS itself! This is particularly the case where incorrect guidance on positioning/attachment or how to feed on demand may lead someone to incorrectly believe that they/their baby are physically unable to breastfeed when they had instead been let down by inappropriate guidance, and perhaps be put off from trying again in the future. This surely goes beyond feeding decisions too. Give us the facts and appropriate support!

Just to be clear, I am not a signed up breastfeeding mafia member (if that exists...I suspect not! What is it anyway?). I believe in what I'm doing, but understand that it may not be physically or practically possible, or a priority for everybody (the problems some have in establishing breastfeeding in particular is something I realise more now than I did in the past). Who knows, I may not manage it or want to next time around. Lives change. 

Although I support breastfeeding and it's benefits, I realise that it is an element of allsorts of positive contributions we can make to our children's lives. I'm sure I've got deficits in other areas (my husband says I should get out more when I talk to him about how seriously I take these subjects at times and I probably should!). 

However, I would like to find a way to bring up breastfeeding without it being assumed that I am challenging anyone who hasn't breastfed their baby - the two seem linked when I wish they weren't. I do not believe that there is any debate to be had if we stick to the facts so do not have much interest in it anyway. But just bringing up the subject seems to invite the debate all over again...sigh. Despite my convictions, I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and it is very difficult in general when talking about such a volatile subject as parenting.  Balancing my writing sensitively is something I aim for, and always try to improve on.

In sum, the chicken pox enlightenment moment was something that I simply found pretty cool and I just wanted to share it. That's all. I hope that I can keep sharing the things that I find, just to get them out there. (For my nerves' sake I think I'll avoid mentioning it for a while, as this has been quite a challenging process).

STOP PRESS: We're at the end of the incubation period and Thomas did not contract chicken pox. 


Conclusions about best way to support breastfeeding - from the review:

" All women should be offered support to breastfeed their babies to increase the duration and exclusivity of breastfeeding. Healthcare settings should provide such trained support as standard. Support is likely to be more effective in settings with high initiation rates, so efforts to increase the uptake of breastfeeding should be in place. Support may be offered either by professional or lay/peer supporters, or a combination of both. Strategies that rely mainly on face-to-face support are more likely to succeed. Support that is only offered when women seek help is unlikely to be effective; women should be offered ongoing visits on a scheduled basis so they can predict that support will be available. Support should be tailored to the setting and the needs of the population group."

*Frequency of feeds reduce over time!


Just in case anyone is wondering how often you feed your baby, and how this frequency changes beyond newborn time, here's what happened with me: 

• As a newborn, Abbie fed sometimes every 20 mins, sometimes either side of some bigger naps/playful waking times (1/2/3 hours - even longer at night, Thomas is currently every 4/5 hours at 7 wks). This depends on things like growth spurts - where feeding becomes more frequent over a 36 hour period - and weather: breastmilk quenches thirst as well as sorting out hunger (fore/hind milk) so in hot weather, babies drink more. As their tummies get bigger they can cope with bigger feeds over longer stretches. Feeding on demand, they'll organise their feeding so sufficient, so it isn't a worry. 
• By 6 months we started Abbie on solids, although at this time it's about tasting and learning about how to eat the foods, while the milk provides their nutrition, she tended to need feeding about 4 or 5 times a day. 
• When I went back to work (9 months old), she had water at nursery, as I never cracked expressing, so had 3 feeds a day: at wake up, after nursery if hungry, and then before bed (around 7pm). 
• By 1 year old, when cow's milk ok as replacement (although breastfeeding not purely nutritional act so not a straight swap, and weaning does take time) I adopted the "don't offer, don't refuse strategy" and usually fed her twice a day unless requested more, until she weaned herself off (about 14 months old).