Sleep news

Since the clocks went back (forward?, I can't remember) in October, Abbie's been taking 2 hours or more long naps in the afternoon, extending way beyond her previous 1 hourish nap times. I thought that the darker, colder days, and perhaps an intense period of development, meant that she needed the sleep to lay down whatever new things she's learning, so didn't interfere. Not to mention that getting that much time to myself in the day was pretty amazing (especially given I was in first trimester big fatigue state at the time). Unfortunately, this had a knock on effect of her playing up at bed time, alot of the excuses were to do with nappies, needing a drink, anything really to get some attention away from the fact that she should be in bed! Our evenings went from dinner, bath, bed by 6.30pm and evenings to ourselves, to dinner, bath, and bed, but no actual sleeping until anytime between 7 and 10pm (with lots of trips up and down the stairs in the meantime, eating separate evening meals, just like old times). After a few months of this and lots of trial and error, we have finally worked out and fixed things. RELIEF. Thought this may be useful.

They do what you do

Spending time together as a family has been great this Christmas - I'm noticing how much it means to my husband especially. The general theme tends to be just how fantastic Abigail is - what a great lil girl she is growing into. Alot of the time, his amazement at her is also attributed to what I've been doing, but really I can't say I'm doing anything as she's is mostly just imitating us, what she wants to be is like us. As long as we are who we want her to learn to be, the rest just happens. And it is great to see.

Science and Myths: How hard it is to stay informed, stay balanced

Various things have delayed my blogging lately, even though I've had lots to think about and want to write down so I'm having a catch up at last. First thing to mention is the ever noticeable puzzling presentation of science in the media and how vulnerable we are to misinterpretation, thanks to the previous misinterpretation of those who present news summaries (which may have been previously misinterpreted by someone before them). Confused? well... no surprise. Keywords I've scribbled to put this blog together include "homebirth study, creationism, engineering C4 and daytime TV" These all tell a similar tale.

Toddler teeth and keeping them safe - Advice from our dentist

We had a family six month check up at the dentist on Friday. NHS dentist. Fantastic. B remembered to ask advice about drinks for Abbie, as it is something we've been wondering about lately, as I've started allowing her to have sips of my squash and offering her watered down squash and orange juice, in addition to the usual tap water, whole milk or 'tea' (1 part hot water from the kettle, to 2 or 3 parts whole milk). The advice has clarified things so thought should pass it on.

Working out boundaries is hard work

For my own reasons, I've wanted to avoid introducing any discipline to Abigail as she progresses through her baby and toddler years, while she's beginning to figure out her place in the world and how she fits in amongst those around her. I expect her to be focussed on her own needs above anybody else's, so understand that she doesn't understand concepts of sharing, for example. This is mostly because of the introduction to child development during my first degree, e.g., the developmental stages from Freud's Id to Ego then Super-Ego (see also). I don't want to set adult expectations on a small child - although I recognise the need for boundaries, I want to do it in a sensitive manner. My focus (in case you hadn't guessed already) is on wanting her to feel secure and loved, but am now unsure about how to keep that up alongside managing her ever more noticeable (and normal) unruly toddler behaviour, as my techniques so far are not always sufficient. 

Parabens et al.,: What's the point in eco toiletries?

I've always tried to err towards eco products if I can - the more natural, less synthetic the better (on offer is good too). This is especially so for what I'm putting on Abigail's skin, in her bath and so on. But I'm afraid I went with instinct rather than actually finding the time to investigate the reasons why avoiding ingredients such as parabens was a good idea. A recent article in the Daily Mail provides a quick and useful summary though, so take a look. It is describing chemicals found in women's beauty products but can be applied to other toiletries as well:

Revealed: 515 chemicals women use everyday

Cooking with love

I don't want to risk overstepping blog territories (see The cat that got the cream), but food has definitely been an important factor lately and I have a feeling being pregnant is doing it.

My friend told me when she was pregnant how she loved cooking good meals for her hubby and now I'm doing the same. That feeling of wanting the nurture and care for your loved ones.

Snack bags to encourage the fruit and veg

Quick tip from Granny T: While Abigail was on her hols she came back with snack bags like these baco ones filled with grapes and carrot sticks. Although fruits are fine, salad veg have been a bit harder to convince Abigail to eat. However, she ate a bag of carrot sticks out of the bag on her first day back! I use these alot now when out and about and they seem to help encourage more eating of raw vegetables. They're also very practical, and reusable, so economical. I bought mine from Morrisons but I'm sure you can get them in most supermarkets.

That holiday feeling

Yey! I'm back from holiday. I spent a week away in San Francisco with my husband while our daughter spent her own holiday down in the Westcountry with her grandparents, aunties and cousins. I feel revived and refreshed. It was a bit daunting preparing for the trip and wondering if Abigail would be OK but it all worked out really well and I'd really recommend it if you can! I've realised how important the break is for all of us and will try to make sure we get away at least once a year, doesn't really matter where as it's the time off that's so good.

Free Range Kids

I recently came back from a week in California. My husband and I had dinner at a colleagues' family home. We, and I think they, enjoyed the exchange of chat about parenting, education, life etc. We were handed a copy of "Free Range Kids" by Lenore Skenazy. I heard stories about knee pads being available in the US to help "ease the transition from crawling on carpeted to hardwood floors"; about some families providing their toddlers with helmets to wear around the house to prevent bumps and bruises... Although these are extreme cases, they are indicative of the growing hesitancy and fears that are taking hold on many parents as they risk-assess day-to-day children's activities. 

Oh my, a GOOD parenting magazine. Gurgle.

Maybe I'm a bit too opinionated, or have created very high expectations based on my personal experience of parenting over the last few years, but I don't generally think that highly of the writing and messages of the parenting magazines out there. I thought I was too cynical and have been pleasantly surprised to have just read a few issues of a new magazine, Gurgle... and liked it! 

Fascinating insights into the developmental consequences of the first 1000 days of life

There've been a number of radio and television programmes that I've learnt alot from lately. First was BBC Two's Horizon, "The nine months that made you", next BBC Radio Four's "The first 1000 days: a legacy for life", and finally, BBC R4 again, Women's Hour and "Babies and salt". Altogether, they provide a very interesting collection of research into the consequences of behaviour in pregnancy, but also lifestyles of Mum and Dad around conception. I certainly learned alot and recommend a listen/watch if you can catch them in time. (I'm being a bit lazy, but may summarize the findings for you in another blog if I'm feeling generous!)

Nervous twitch

Of all the aspirations I may hold for whatever we're doing in our parenting of Abigail, there's one flaw that I'd like her to be free from: Nervousness.

Exploring the world together: Buggies, slings and carriers

Providing babies with the confidence to explore the wider world starts with providing them with a loving and secure base*.  The pushchair direction and the direction with which your child faces when being carried in a baby carrier is an element of that opportunity to explore through the reassurance of seeing the Mother/Father/Carer whilst out and about, as highlighted by a recent article in the press.

Recent comments regarding the negative consequences of forward-facing buggies, and outward-facing carriers, have been made by Professor Cathrine Fowler, from University of Technology, Sydney, and backed up by a 2008 study at Dundee University by Dr Suzanne Zeedyk (Daily Mail article - please ignore sensationalist title - and see also the Dundee 2008 press release):

‘Imagine if you were strapped to someone’s chest with your legs and arms flailing, heading with no control into a busy shopping centre – it would be terrifying...Outward-facing baby carriers and prams give babies a bombardment of stimulus, creating a very stressful situation... In not considering our baby’s perspective, we are inadvertently quite cruel to children’  - Cathrine Fowler

We could have had it all

To return to my opinions, "Having it all", and the associated checklist is something that I loathe. The pressure it puts on women is ridiculous. I say women, because it seems to primarily describe the lives of women, rather than considering whether men can have it all, (or assumes they are already?) but I'll return to that. 

Billie Piper and her son

"Having it all" seems to be something along the lines of having a career (but not just any career, something BIG, IMPRESSIVE); having a partner (but not just any partner...); having a family (but not... you probably get it now); maybe even having good looks and a good sex life to boot. Woweee. It's there for us to see whenever any, some may say (and I am one of them most of the time), poor celebrity women get pregnant - the pressure is on to tick those boxes. To quote Emma Thompson, "Having it all is a revolting concept".

Same but different

I've been writing a lot of blogs lately. I suppose they're like buses - thoughts, ideas and opportunities to write come along at differing frequencies. Last week, my husband was away with work. It left me with time to think and write in the evenings - I've also been encouraged to do this because of there being very little else to do (TV is a load of rubbish mostly and housework is only a partial priority, unless there is a mouse-on-the-carpet emergency or something). 

Major U-turn

" Your baby will get through up to 5,000 nappies before she is potty trained, so getting the right nappy for your baby is a must. "

Well, we're nearly there now. After throwing so many nappies in the bin since March (see old blog, Major Bummer), I contacted a nappy advisor through the fill your pants site, who have region-based advisors (mine's from Nottingham, Heather Rai). She suggested that I first freshen up the old nappies to improve absorbency, in case they've got clogged with detergent, nappy creams etc. You do this by strip washing, using washing up liquid or dishwasher tablets, see bumgenius site for more instructions.


I spent early this week washing them through and have been testing them on our 24 month-old for the last four days.

The Dettol vs. The Dirt

Sometimes I think that other people must think that my house and my child (and me) are dirty, because I really don't clean up her or the house as much as I could, e.g., I don't always wipe Abigail's face/hands, thinking bathtime will sort her out. Although I instinctively think that I'm ok to be relaxed about this, I thought it'd be worth investigating for my own peace of mind: I can either be defiantly dirty in my parenting or clean things up a bit. 

A bit less serious - Films

Continuing on from my excuse to mention Baby Boom previously, I thought I'd list some more - couldn't quite round it to ten, so my top 12 - in no particular order:

No use handing me a writ -- While I’m trying to do my bit

Following on from KT's comment about "There is enough guilt attached to motherhood already!", I wanted to mention a valuable chat I had recently. I met up with a friend a few weeks' ago now and we caught up on how things were going - since meeting up regularly since having our babies a few weeks apart, it has been harder to meet up since we returned to work. Last time we met was Halloween 2010!

Baby Boom - I love this film

We talked about the differences, but also similarities in how we are doing. She's a high flying accounts executive person, working really hard to squeeze in her work to a four day week, keeping up with what's expected of her position and salary. Yes, she can afford to have a cleaner, someone to do the ironing, has company BMW and the lifestyle choices that come with it.

Factors affecting feeding decisions

Breastfeeding by Picasso

Following on from my earlier blog, where recent articles highlighted the problems of low levels of breastfeeding in developed and developing nations, in addition to the main problem - parents being affected by myths and misinformation about breastfeeding - a further seven influencers will now be discussed.

My breastfeeding story

I am one of three sisters 

We were all breastfed and a big thing wasn't made of it, it was just the natural thing to do. So I always imagined that I would do the same for my children.


This is a photo of me and Abigail, moments after birth and she was placed on my tummy. In antenatal classes, I learnt about the instinct for newborn babies to move up your tummy, heads bobbing, moving in the direction of one or the other boob to feed (I now think that the change in areola size in pregnancy helps provide a visual target for their limited vision, that only can recognise high contrast images). Soon after being born, Abigail quickly fed (I didn't know what I was doing but she instinctively did, I just let her move and feed). This was extremely reassurring - I should just trust in the reflexes of the newborn, developed through years of evolution, and she'll know how to feed and get what she needs from me.

My take on breastfeeding

I have avoided talking about my opinions about breastfeeding this far, firstly, because of not wanting to offend or upset anybody who hasn't breastfed, particularly friends and members of my family, who I know think and feel very deeply about their choices and their children. The other is a cowardly reason: because I don't want to receive the backlash I've seen elsewhere towards those who support breastfeeding, being described as "middle class do-gooders" and the like.


Well, I suppose I've opened the floodgates now because I am going to talk.


In a series of blogs, I'm going to try to talk about my experiences and views on breastfeeding. Firstly, I'm going to describe how I got to this blog subject, and later my ideas for why breastfeeding is not the norm for every mother and baby.


Two recent articles that have prompted my decision to write about this are:

1. Daily Mail: Breastfeeding boom: Middle-class mothers lead the charge with 90% rejecting formula milk, by Sophie Borland.
2. New York Times: The Breast Milk Cure, by Nicholas D Kristof.

Major bummer

I totally love reusable nappies.


Unfortunately, our bumgenius 3.0 ones (the most recent design when we bought them in 2009) didn't fit around my daughter's dimensions so well by about 18 months (think it was the thighs and tummy that did it). She was getting rubbed on her legs because they were too tight, and would leak out of the top when she laid down to sleep, as doing them around the sticky-out tummy would leave a chance for them to slip down, under her tum, and be too loose to hold the wet stuff in. It meant that by about 3am, we'd be woken up by Abigail crying and soaked in wee. We'd have to do a full change and she'd wake up wet again too.

The power of touch

Today has been a pretty hectic day, as ever it is when we visit friends or they visit us. I spent alot of the day trying to watch over Abbie, who didn't want to share her toys with anyone, and was vigilantly retrieving any toys back off those who were in possession of any! She also had lot of fun, running around in the garden and then in the house with her playmates. As the day progressed, Abbie got more tired she lashed out more and lost the plot really, not knowing what she wanted. She normally naps for at least an hour after lunch but definitely didn't want to when she knew there were three little girls playing downstairs.


Everybody left around 3pm, when all of the toddlers were played out. Abbie could barely focus. Luckily, after some cuddles in front of a little quiet children's TV, she fell asleep and stayed that way for an hour. She woke up a bit confused and teary, managed to eat her dinner but was still a bit 'wappy'. Bath time lasted all of 1 minute, where she was upset and wobbly again. I managed to calm her down with more cuddles and quiet songs (trying to remember songs like Eidelweiss, Daisy, Ride-a-cock-horse etc). Unfortunately, neither choice of getting nappy and pyjamas on or her hair dried was answered with a positive yes (more like a protesting no). I ended up sitting on the bed with her and she laid there quite quietly after I put her down. She was so relaxed that I thought I'd try to remember some of the baby massage classes that I had taken ages ago, when she was about 6 months old.

Saying No in the Yes Cycle

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I took part in the second session of VIG (Video Interaction Guidance) so that my friend and old colleague to train as a practitioner in the intervention. My goal was to improve on saying "No" to Abbie in a consistent manner, to keep her boundaries where they need maintaining.

Since my friend bought me the Sears' Baby Book on Attachment Parenting, this style has resonated with me, but one thing I still find difficult is how to control and say No without damaging the secure base I'm trying to establish and grow between us. Being somebody who sets limits has made me feel uncomfortable as I didn't/don't want to cause distress, but more than this, I didn't want to be inconsistent in my boundary-setting, sometimes being strong about saying No about something, another time letting it go.


So this was my goal for the VIG therapy session.

Must remember to write to Mr Miliband

"I want to hear your experiences of how the cuts are affecting you and your family and discuss how we could do things differently"

I got a letter from Ed Miliband last week and keep meaning to follow it up. It asked me to contact him on his website. 

polyp.org.uk

Although I can understand his approach, asking for feedback from the public, I think it is also approaching everything as if it is money, the economy, that is the centre of our lives. I don't think it should be, even if it has become that way.


When I think about my family, I don't see money as making us the happiest we could be. Yes, we need it to pay for a home to live in, for food, utilities etc. But we can confuse need with want, I know I do (oooh holidays, a different car, new clothes, tv etc.). That doesn't mean that we should live in caves and not treat ourselves to these things, I just think that money and spending it should not be the centre focus.

The children's food industry (weddings all over again)

I've never bought 'children's' yoghurts, but find large pots of full-fat whole yoghurt, .e.g, Yeo Valley or Rachel's- either plain, with some honey (1 yr+) or lemon curd, raisins etc. stirred in, or fruit flavours fine, if not better than the bland varieties offered. I tried Munch Bunch last month and the texture is smoother than a baby's bottom, blander than wallpaper paste - no wonder some children are fussy eaters if they're not given the opportunity to experience textures and flavours in their food...[but that's just my opinion]. An additional note on buying larger pots means that you're not racking up the plastic packaging, so some plus points regarding your environmental conscience.


I've actually (if you can believe it) compared the nutritional content of Munch Bunch to Yeo Valley Strawberry Yoghurt, just to see whether my instincts to go for the big pots was right:

Bits and pieces

I had plans to write a regular blog when I finished work (well, changed jobs), but haven't been as industrious as I'd thought. So I wanted to write a blog about the not writing.


It isn't procrastinating, it is just not being in the right moment. I'd have alot to say about various things, but those moments of inspiration have passed - we're through the labour, newborn, weaning stages - things I didn't write about at the time, but would be less energetically written about if I did it now. So I'm waiting for inspiration, but also on the internet alot less anyway. While the weather's good I'm out and about during the days and getting on with time at home in the evenings (sitting on the laptop in front of my husband when we've hardly seen each other all week isn't really fair). My new time outs during Abbie's naps extend to internet time too - although I like checking my emails, facebook etc, it does take time and before I know it, I haven't really switched off, so when it comes to procrastination, I suppose I do procrastinate over internet duties.

Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks

It's been three weeks or so since I started my full timing. It's gone slowly and quickly. It's been tiring and the best thing I've ever done. I have no regrets (apart from the USS witholding my employer contributions to my pension - PANTS). I have so far, not joined any mother and toddler groups, no commitments yet (we'll see what happens).


Something I have realised as the days have passed is the importance that I don't whip myself up into another busy lifestyle, of efficiency and over-ambition. Multi-tasking is not good for the soul.

Why I am so glad we baby-led

My daughter is 19 months old. She eats at the table using a spoon and fork off a plate or bowl, drinks out of an open cup and is generally brilliant at the whole eating/drinking/sitting around a table process.

Feb 2010, when Abigail was 7 months old, no teeth/hair!

We started weaning at 6 months old, in line with the recommended guidelines. I started by offering her a banana: I ate one in front of her and waited to see if she initiated interest in tasting it herself: a sign that she was ready to start eating solids (along with the disappearance of the tongue thrust reflex). I almost talked her through it really, "do you want some banana?", "yes?" (broke some off and mush it in between fingers and held to her lips). She had some banana and we took it from there. I can't describe how exciting it was - never thought it would be such a milestone! If you're interested in a time line, her first eat was 06/01/2010.

So long, and thanks for all the fish

This was the title of a goodbye email I sent to my colleagues when I used to work as an IT Specialist in 2004. I left my job headed by a most fantastic boss and a great bunch of people on the project too. It was a decision that went against the grain but that felt right, even though I didn't know what future lay ahead of me, and I was leaving a potentially secure and set-for-life job there. I left to go back to university, to do a Masters degree, which turned into a PhD in Psychology.

A similar feeling is running through me at the moment.  

I'm two weeks away from leaving my first research job since the PhD qualification.

Embrace it

I've never really had any fashion or, just dress sense. But before getting pregnant, I'd figured out a formula of sorts- what works and what I should stay away from. However, things aren't what they were since having my lovely baby, and my formula has had to be scrapped. Leaving behind the same person with little idea about clothes and even less time and money to indulge in any clothes shopping in the first place.

It's not all about stuff

Just wanted to make that clear, give me time and I'll bring in new areas of non-material subject matter.

The joys of sling

In 2009 and 2010 I was lucky enough to be a tester for the Mother and Baby Awards, courtesy of Jessica Milln. The first time, I tested toiletries, promoted to slings the next time. The main point of what I'm writing is to say how much of a difference testing the slings made to me and my husband. In particular, finding the babysense sling.

Bum Genius

My sisters and I were brought up in terry toweling nappies.I knew when I had children that I had no problem in doing the same for my children, no disposables for me. However, researching what to do when pregnant opened up a minefield. It took a long time to grasp exactly how these clever reusables worked (we’d decided to opt for next generation on from terries).


I scrolled through many, not necessarily user-friendly, reusable nappy websites. A lot assumed prior knowledge and talk of outer liners, inner liners, wraps, bamboo, cotton and so on were frustratingly inaccessible. I didn’t want to have a nappy that added more work to my soon to be new Mum life and looked for the most straightforward design.

The bumgenius nappies came up time and time again as the most simple, logical design.

Time starts now

Hello. This is the start of my blog. Nothing to say yet but wanted to write something. Back in a month (when I start up as a full time Mum after leaving life as a research fellow).